Beauty Redefined Blog

Female Objectification: Who’s Really to Blame

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Women are constantly being dehumanized and reduced to objects to be groped, harassed, catcalled and evaluated — and some men feel comfortable doing all of those things and then boasting about it, or deny it by mocking the appearance of the women as unworthy of their assaults. In a culture that routinely portrays and values women as objects, who is really to blame when real-life women are reduced to objects? How do we stop objectification?

Let’s get this out of the way up front: objectification is not the same thing as admiring someone’s appearance. We all instinctively notice and evaluate appearance on some level, and it is perfectly natural and good. No shame necessary. Since objectification starts as a mental process, the only person who can determine if they’re objectifying someone is the person doing the potential objectifying. However, there are some signs that you’re perceiving someone as an object rather than a full-fledged human being. Ask yourself some questions:
catcall-obectification-beauty-redefined-crop

  • Am I viewing that person primarily as a tool for my sexual gratification?
  • Am I catcalling or harassing people  with comments about their appearance or sex appeal?
  • Am I talking about these people primarily in terms of their appearance or sex appeal?
  • Am I considering these people as my equals and as active agents of their own lives, or am I considering them as passive objects or ornaments for my evaluation/consumption/use?

Obviously, “yes” answers = likely objectification happening. This is effectively viewing someone as less than human. This is bad. Let’s fix it.

Lots of people would have you believe that women, and their appearance or clothing choices, are the ones at fault for being objectified. After all, if your clothes are tighter or shorter or flashier or anything-er than someone else thinks is acceptable, then you intended for others to think of you as more of an object than a person, right? So wrong. Dang, it would be SO easy if objectification worked this way! If this was true, then we could stop objectification in its tracks by simply dressing more appropriately (as has been suggested by many a viral blog post). But, alas, there are 3 fatal flaws with this philosophy:

1) It embraces a distinct victim-blaming mentality that puts the responsibility for how one is perceived on the shoulders of the one being perceived, rather than the one doing the perceiving. Here’s a hard truth for some: Regardless of what you wear or how you look, you can never sufficiently defend yourself from objectification. Leggings or no leggings, you don’t get to decide whether people perceive you as a sex object or a person. You could wear the most appropriate outfit you could fathom and someone could still see that flash of wrist or ankle or outline of your body and blame you for sparking sexual thoughts. If we are teaching the girls in our lives that the primary objective of appropriate clothing is to keep themselves covered so boys and men don’t think sexual thoughts about them, then we are teaching girls they are responsible for other peoples’ thoughts. That’s a burden no one should feel like they need to bear. Keep reading for our ideas on how you could teach girls and women (and boys and men) to consider their own clothing choices.

2) Everyone’s definition of “appropriate” is different. Everyone’s. One person’s sophisticated sleeveless blouse is another person’s lingerie. One person’s comfy, inexpensive, covered-up leggings are another person’s too-hot-for-TV sexy pants. (Obviously, we’re referring to definitions of appropriate that can vary significantly but still fall within legal, common public attire and that fit dress codes for certain venues.) And the context! Oh the context. If objectification is really determined by what a woman is wearing, then the context in which she’s wearing those clothes is totally irrelevant. You can’t say, “She shouldn’t wear leggings on the street if she doesn’t want to be objectified,” and also flip-flop to believe she doesn’t deserve to be viewed as an object if she’s wearing those leggings at the gym or training for a marathon. You also can’t say, “She shouldn’t wear that short skirt at dinner if she doesn’t want to be objectified,” and simultaneously believe she’s not at fault for being objectified while wearing the same skirt playing tennis or using it to cover up a swimsuit at the pool.  If “inappropriate” clothing choices directly result in objectification, then there can be no on/off switch for the context of those clothing choices. They cause women to be viewed as objects or they don’t. 

3) The evidence of objectification in action (catcalling, sexual abuse and assault, etc.) is not determined or dissuaded by the clothing the objectified person (victim) is wearing. Girls and women across the world are raped and assaulted and hollered at while wearing flannel pajamas and cold-weather running gear and clubbing dresses and everything in between. Even in cultures where women are required to or choose to cover up a great deal, there is still an incredibly high incidence of rape and sexual violence. And in some cultures where clothing is optional (ex: some African tribes), rape and sexual violence are reportedly very low. I am very regularly catcalled (in explicit, anger-inducing ways) while wearing a winter coat and jeans or a skirt below the knee while walking in downtown Salt Lake City. Why? Not because of my sexy clothes, I can assure you. See this link for a bunch of examples to dispel the myth that scantily-clad women are more likely to be catcalled or assaulted. Harassment, sexual abuse, and assault are often about power, and men assert their power over women by publicly degrading them and/or abusing them as sexual objects for their own gratification.

In summary: you could never be clothed perfectly enough to ensure everyone perceives you the way you intend to be perceived. You could never obscure your shape or essence or beauty enough to prevent someone from having sexual thoughts about you and blaming you for those thoughts. That is because objectification happens in the eye and mind of the beholder. You are the only one who can control whether you objectify another person. Yes, it can be triggered by images and messages we have learned to view as sexual and suggestive. No, that doesn’t mean it is unavoidable. And NO, that does not mean you can blame anyone else when you view her/him as an object. We must take responsibility for ourselves – our own thoughts, our own intentions, and our own actions. [Please note: we are referring to face-to-face or person-to-person judgments and perceptions, not perceptions of media. Obviously, media purposefully and blatantly presents women as objects. We’re not letting them off the hook for that. We need to cut objectifying media out of our visual diets and re-train our minds to see people instead of objects in both media and face to face. More on that in a second.]

phone-in-hand-croppedBy and large, it is girls and women who are being sexually objectified.* Many women even voluntarily sign up to be portrayed as objects and accept huge paychecks in return (think any men’s magazine, commercials for hundreds of otherwise non-sexual products, etc.). Being valued as an object is glamorized and sold as the highest form of power a woman can wield. Of course, that is a lie, and that faux “power” is at the mercy of others’ (usually men’s) preferences, appetites and money. The dangerous and normalized act of female objectification teaches men and boys that females are sexual objects above all else — that women exist to be looked at, consumed, and discarded. No wonder the dehumanization and devaluation of women is often so invisible to men. It’s normal. It’s comfortable. It sucks that we might have to battle this devaluation our entire lives while also having to convince men (and other women) that objectification not only exists, but that it is incredibly dangerous, and it needs to be fought against — not just by us gals, but by all of us.

We all learned how to view people as objects from the same sources — our shared media landscape. We live in a world where the objectification of women is so standard that it is invisible and unquestioned. But the only way to fight it is to see it and question it. Sexualized female bodies are inescapable in media. Consider 90% of movies that have come out in the last decade and how they pan up and down women’s bodies and zoom in on their parts; Victoria’s Secret’s inescapable advertising in mailboxes, storefront windows and TV; the good ol’ SI Swimsuit Issue celebrated on TV news programs and late shows, as well as public displays all across the country; Carl’s Jr.’s insanely sexist commercials, the list goes on and on and on. Last but not least, one of the most profitable industries in the world is the absolute biggest perpetrator of female objectification: the porn industry. Hopefully this doesn’t come as much of a surprise, but if it does, please know that it isn’t sexual shame, prudishness or religious beliefs that tell us pornography is the guiltiest culprit in this fight against objectification. Since porn is a topic all its own, we devoted a whole post to it here.

While the porn industry has infiltrated all aspects of pop culture in the last couple of decades – leading us to barely flinch at images and acts on primetime TV that we would have been totally shocked by before, we have learned to view female sexuality as something to be viewed, purchased, and even stolen. Female bodies have become objects to be bought and sold, both literally and figuratively, and with that commodification, girls and women have become devalued and dehumanized. In other words, objectified.

This not only affects the way men view women and the way we as women view and evaluate each other – it also deeply affects the way we view ourselves.

This sexually objectifying culture persuades women to self-objectify by evaluating and controlling themselves in terms of their sexual appeal to others, rather than in terms of their own health, happiness, and desires. They literally picture themselves being looked at while they move throughout life. And what do you know? Girls and women suffer in very literal ways when sexualized female bodies inundate our media landscape. Adolescent girls with a self-objectified outsider’s view of their bodies have diminished sexual health, measured by decreased condom use and diminished sexual assertiveness (the ability to say “no”), and decreased cognitive and physical abilites, including math, logical reasoning, and athletic performance.* Add to that the fact that industries beg women to surgically implant things in their breasts and buttocks and lips to enhance their sexual appeal, and every year hundreds of thousands of women go under the knife, with 92% of those procedures – mostly breast augmentation and liposuction – performed on girls and women. Self-objectification works as a harmful tool to keep girls and women “in their place” as objects of sexual appeal and beauty, which seriously limits their ability to think freely and understand their value in a world so in need of their unique contributions and insight.

Though you cannot protect yourself from being objectified by others, please know that you CAN protect yourself from self-objectification.

You are more than your body and you’re capable of more than looking hot for others’ approval. You get the opportunity to reflect that truth every day in the way you carry yourself, what you do and what you say. We’ve written and talked extensively about this topic here and here, but today we’re going to highlight one aspect we addressed previously in this post, but in a totally different light: how we choose to dress ourselves.self-objectification-beauty-redefined-crop

Studies on self-objectification show us that “clothing represents an important contributor to the body and emotional experience of contemporary young women” because body-baring clothing leads to greater states of self-objectification, body shame, body dissatisfaction, and negative mood**. What this tells us (and what our own experience living in female bodies tells us is a no-brainer) is that when we wear clothing that feels revealing or that overtly emphasizes our parts, we become very self-aware of those parts that are being (or could potentially be) looked at. We self-objectify and are in a near-constant state of adjusting our clothing, thinking about what we look like, and looking at other people looking at us. It’s OK to like being looked at, and even to like attention from others for our looks, but if it’s getting in the way of progress, happiness, and health — as so much research confirms that it is — we’ve got to make some changes.

Research shows a level of “modesty” or less-revealing/more-covered clothing can be an important tool in safe-guarding ourselves from being in a constant state of self-objectification. This idea of “modesty” and less-revealing/more-covered clothing will inevitably vary from person to person and culture to culture — maybe even dramatically. That does not matter. We have got to stop worrying about everyone else’s choices and start focusing on our own. You get to decide what “modest” clothing means for you. For some, leggings will fit very squarely in the category of covered and comfortable. For others, leggings will make them feel exposed, uncovered and uncomfortable, which fuels self-objectification. You get to decide how leggings make you feel. Other people also get to decide how your leggings make them feel. But you don’t have to carry that burden. They need to do that.

What all of this comes down to is so simple: we all have to look out for ourselves. We have to be accountable to ourselves to recognize when we are objectifying others and work to shift our perceptions through conscious awareness. We can’t attribute our perceptions to anyone else, no matter what they are or aren’t wearing. And finally, though we can’t protect ourselves from being objectified by others, we absolutely can protect ourselves from our own self-objectification by recognizing our value as more than just objects to be looked at, and then thinking and acting accordingly.

Women are more than just bodies. And men are more than their bodies, too. We are all thinking, feeling humans who have the opportunity to learn to view ourselves and each other as such — even if those humans are showing more skin or wearing more makeup than we deem appropriate. When we can see more than just bodies in ourselves and others, we have the opportunity to be more. Let’s do this.

Need more help developing body image resilience that can help you overcome your self-consciousness and be more powerful than ever before? Learn how to recognize harmful ideals, redefine beauty and health, and resist what holds you back from happiness, health, and real empowerment with the Beauty Redefined Body Image Program for girls and women 14+. It is an online, anonymous therapeutic tool that can change your life, designed by Lexie & Lindsay Kite, with PhDs in body image and media.

The beautiful illustrations above commissioned for Beauty Redefined by Michelle Christensen Illustration.

*Boys and men are sexually objectified as well, though to much lesser degrees than girls and women are. We acknowledge this and stress that our focus on the objectification of females in no way detracts from the reality that boys and men are degraded in similar ways.

**Tiggemann, M. & Andrew, R. (2012). Clothes Make a Difference: The Role of Self-Objectification. Sex Roles. Vol. 66 Issue 9/10, p646. For a comprehensive list of self-objectification’s many negative consequences, see the American Psychological Association’s Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls

 

  1. Becca
    Becca01-31-2015

    Thank you for this post! It is exactly what I have been thinking about all those articles popping up urging women to stop wearing leggings so that men don’t have inappropriate thoughts. Ugh. I read one of those articles and then had to stop by the grocery store on the way home from yoga. I felt so self-conscious and kept worrying about how I looked to other people wearing my yoga pants. Thank you for pointing out that I was falling victim to self-objectification! I’m pretty sure no one was worried about what I was wearing that day except for me. Thanks for giving us positive ways to respond to well-meaning people who try to dictate what is and isn’t appropriate to wear based on how it might be perceived.

  2. Eliza lee
    Eliza lee02-02-2015

    I have never thought twice about wearing leggings, and then all these bloggers trying to pursuade women to stop wearing them came to my attention…I was boggled at their argument. I am now somewhat self conscious of what people are thinking of me while wearing them (though that doesn’t stop me) and it makes me uncomfortable to think I am living in a world where long form fitting leggings somehow sexulize me.THANKS FOR YOUR ARTICLE, I have come to love you guys and what you stand for.

  3. Maren
    Maren02-03-2015

    Awesome post! I have a five year old girl. How do I teach her this self-objectification idea in regards to modesty? I can see her self-objectifying already when she puts on something our family generally considers immodest.

  4. Erica
    Erica02-04-2015

    I can distinctly remember from when i was still in school that these things were an important issue, however, it was more of the inner beauty and the stopping of self objectification that was tackled. when i was in high school i made it no secret that i suffered from negative thoughts and outlooks on things especially myself. i had major inferiority and self loathing problems because i was of the natural beauty, no need for beauty products except for medical purposes (healthy hair, clearing skin etc.). i didnt care about fancy hair styles or beautifying makeup. i never put on a face and i just couldnt do hair in general and i didnt care to change that so i could do ridiculously time consuming hair styles for school etc. straight pony tail was all i could do so it was all i did. i didnt care. and i never got compliments because of my outlook. simple. plain. boring. dull. whereas everyone else got complimented every day and i was included in the complimentors (because i genuinely thought they looked nice, but still thought it was unnecessary effort). and even when they already had nice hair they still did each others’ hair later that day anyway (pointless – all of it) and there was me who actually mightve benefited from having their hair redone nicely by someone who could actually do hair, but no. such was never the case. aside from that the only features that ever seemed compliment worthy were my boobs and my butt. girls in my grade would say “you have a lot to offer guys” and “your boyfriend will be very lucky” and other things of the like. i hated it. only my best friend complimented me on anything other than my sexual features because, according to everyone else, that was all i had to offer and that would be considered appealing to guys. only my best friend complimented me on my eyes, my eyebrows, my lips, my teeth and smile, my hair itself, my personality, my intelligence, my skills as a performer (singer and actor) and my skills as an artist and writer. she saw me as me and not as just a shape of flesh.

    when i attended my drama teacher’s wedding along with the rest of the drama class i had to go my own way when going home (everyone else lived in the same basic area and got off at the same station, but i had to get off alone and walk home from the train station by myself). i was wearing a perfectly modest black and white halterneck dress that came down to my knees. i had patterned stockings on and had taken my heels off because i had been wearing them all day and decided to have a rest for my feet on my way home. i was yelled at by a man in a passing car. i cant remember exactly what he said, but i remember it was street harassment. i was 15! later when i was telling people in my art class about it as we worked on our artworks a girl replied saying “clearly youre pretty, otherwise they wouldnt have done that.” i have never thought of it like that. since the moment it happened i have known it was simply because i am a standard functioning female with the capacity to fulfill those men’s disgusting sexual urges / desires. i know she was trying to help me in her own way, but it was wrong and unhelpful to say that it was because im pretty. several years later i was walking home from the bus stop and i was listening to my ipod. i saw in my peripheral vision that a car FULL of men had come around the corner and pulled up beside me. it drove slowly alongside me. because i hadnt acknowledged their presence or looked directly at them and i was listening to my music i decided to pretend that i had no idea they were there and i kept walking and listening to my music hoping that they would lose interest and leave. after following me for half a block they drove away, but not before they had asked me questions about my age, my uniform (if it was a uniform), where i go to school and where i was going and other things about hanging out with them etc. i freaked out the entire time, but i decided to play it calm and cool in the hopes they would leave and it paid off that time

    i havent experienced anything as severe ever since, but i have become cautious of everything and everyone whenever i leave my house. i have had bad dreams and imaginings about things involving me and men since i was too young to be having these kinds of worries and fears. i shouldnt have been made to feel this way ever since childhood, but i have always been paranoid to an extent with an incident of my paranoia and fear reaching high levels just last year. my sister and i were cosplaying as two sisters that wear matching red midriffs, white jackets, black boots and the elder sister wear jeans and the younger wears shorts. because i am the younger sister i was wearing the shorts version of the otherwise matching outfit. on the train home from supanova pop culture convention my sister and i both felt increasingly concerned because of a guy that we both saw at the station looking at us which creeped us out. unfortunately he was the only person that got on our car as well and sat downstairs with us. he was facing us, looking at us until we got off at the only other station the train stopped at. we both walked quickly away, all the while we could sense his stare following us. we hated it and it scared us. trying to ignore him on the train was hard, but we had food so we tried to distract ourselves with eating. we never dress like that in normal every day life, but seeing as we’re cosplayers we like to dress up in vsrious kinds of clothing, but it doesnt mean we feel any easier around people. much the opposite in that case. we shouldnt have to feel so scared all the time and have bad thoughts and be on guard at all times because it is inhumanly possible to protect yourself at all times!

  5. Mollie
    Mollie03-02-2015

    Hey you two! I went to usu with you and majored in speech comm, so I recognized your faces immediately! One of the men in my lds ward directed some of the other leaders to your site here and my husband thought it was so great so he shared it with me, and I saw your picture and was so excited! I knew you ladies were involved in subjects like this back in college so I wasn’t surprised at all! Love it, love what I’ve read here, and I am excited to share and further my resistance to objectification! Good luck with your amazing and worthy endeavors! I definitely feel that objectification affected me as a young girl to the point where it affected my performance in school…really negatively! I even remember an interaction with a boy in middle school that will never leave my mind and caused me such shame and discomfort for so long. It’s only now that I recognize what was actually happening! Thanks for helping to prevent other young girls from going trough what so many of us have experienced at such young and impressionable ages! God speed!

    • BR Admin
      BR Admin03-10-2015

      Mollie! (This is Lexie). I remember you! Speech Comm at USU! So glad you found Beauty Redefined and that men in your ward directed you here. That’s awesome. We do stake and regional firesides weekly (in addition to lots of secular events), so we’re glad the message is getting out. Thanks so much for your kind words and sharing your experience — we’re totally with you in having been held back because of shame. And now we fight hard to make sure shame doesn’t infiltrate peoples’ lives like it too often does. You are great. Thanks again for the comment!

  6. anon
    anon07-10-2015

    I know a couple of guys criticizing women for wearing yoga pants, and my thought was “whaaat?” Like, I can see where comments on bikinis and certain dresses are coming from but yoga pants? I often saw yoga pants as normal, comfortable clothing.

  7. Jamie
    Jamie07-22-2015

    I especially appreciate your point about the responsibility of objectification being on the shoulders of the beholder, where it belongs. The idea that women are somehow responsible for men’s sexual thoughts is, in my opinion, too prevalent in our culture. It puts unfair responsibility on women, and it removes accountability from men. I personally think modest dress is important, but shouldn’t we all (male and female) be trying to control our own thoughts, no matter how someone else dresses? I hope to teach my daughter that she should dress modestly primarily out of respect for herself, and not out of a need to make life easier/more convenient for men. I hope to teach my son that he should also dress modestly out of respect for himself, and that no matter how the women around him might dress, he is capable of, and responsible for, looking away.

  8. Betty
    Betty08-08-2015

    Excellent, excellent point about not being responsible for men’s thoughts. I work in a conservative corporate environment (meaning lots of old, wealthy clients who don’t want to see pink hair or tattoos), and just recently was complimented by my supervisor on my outfit, which she deemed as finally fitting the definition of ‘professional’ – and when she said professional, she spontaneously made a gesture with her hands indicating that the average eye was now averted away from my chest. (All I’d done was put on a cardigan) Naturally, I was fuming for the rest of the day. Her insinuation was like, fivefold – that the body I was born with, which gave me a large chest I’ve never wanted, is automatically ‘unprofessional’; that the body I was born with needs to be covered up, hidden; that I must hide a part of me I have no control over in order to be deemed ‘professional’; that the men in the office (all of whom are very much gentlemen, in my estimation) are irreversibly incapable of looking away from my chest if it’s not covered by several layers/distracting patterns and illusions; and that I am responsible for making sure that the men don’t think about me in a sexual way at work. All of this was piled on top of the fact that I’ve spent my life – at least, since adolescence – already hiding myself by choice to avoid what for years seemed like constant harassment by strangers of the grossest ilk. I’m not a fan of this whole ‘shaming’ movement, just calling anything shaming because it’s a buzzword whether or not the shoe fits, but let me tell you, I was totally body-shamed that day. It sucks.

  9. MotherAmy
    MotherAmy10-27-2015

    I have a couple questions, regarding this article…
    1) “Am I catcalling or harassing people with comments about their appearance or sex appeal?”
    This makes it sound like if a woman receives a compliment on her appearance, she is being “objectified”…

    2) “Am I talking about these people primarily in terms of their appearance or sex appeal?”
    This makes it sound like, if someone mentions to someone else how nice a woman looks, they are being “objectified”…

    Lastly…
    I need to ask, because this is an important question to ask…
    What is the intent of a woman who wears clothing that is “too revealing”?
    Why would a woman wear extremely short shorts or an extremely short skirt? What is the intent and or purpose for wearing these items?
    How about a shirt, top, dress, etc, that reveals “too much” cleavage? Especially when worn by a woman with large breasts? What is the intent and or purpose for wearing these items?

    I agree that people should be able to wear all kinds of clothing for a variety of reasons. I’m not too concerned about “yoga pants” or other type of pants… although I believe that a sense of dignity would prevent wearing some of these kinds of things “out in public”, instead of “at the gym”…

    AND, is it offensive if a man wears exceedingly tight, and therefore, revealing pants? Or is it his right to “wear whatever he wants” too?

    Being LDS, I understand we are taught to “respect ourselves”. Part of that is to prepare ourselves to wear the Temple Garments. Kind of hard to do that if your skirt barely covers your behind, or you are wearing a very low “v cut” dress… right?
    Does one have to “show off” to be “attractive”? Or does “modest” clothing attract the “right kind of attention”?
    Is there a balance between “revealing” and “prude”? Or is the whole “wear whatever you want” mentality prevail over “common sense”?
    Is someone whistling at you really offensive, or a sign that what you are wearing, how you look, is attractive and appealing? Maybe if you feel “objectified”, is it because of “guilt” over the clothing you chose to wear? We all do have the “spirit” with us, right?
    I know when I wear “nice cloths”, that cover all the areas as would be covered by garments, that I don’t feel “objectified” by a simple whistle or a compliment about how I look… (yes, there are those who don’t hide their “objectification” with rude and lewd comments, but when I am dressed properly, I KNOW it is THEIR PROBLEM, not mine.)

    So, why do we always look to blame others when this topic is, literally, about how “both parties are at fault” in so many cases…
    If you DO THE RIGHT THING, then your conscience is clear. If you doubt your choices, maybe you should reevaluate them and make changes?

  10. Amy
    Amy10-27-2015

    I agree with most of your statements the one I struggle with is .. we women don’t put it on men. We cause some of the objectification. Some woman and not all woman think.. Hey how can I get a man’s attention married or not.. because I need this for my self worth I need a man to pay attention to me.. We hurt our own sex( female) as well as the opposite sex. We can only get our self worth from ourselves .. us wearing something inappropriate what ever that may be..modesty is in our thinking and dress has something to do with it. Us dressing inappropriate doesn’t help us get a man the way we really want a man to love us anyway… and if it does its from he very man who objectifys and they will never love you the right way. This is not always the case , but most of the time its is. This is the world we live in and we as woman need to believe in ourselves, and than we will have men respect us if we respect ourselves. Turn the tables.. men need to respect woman no matter what we wear as well..even the woman who flaunts her body as a sexual object. we live in a world that sex sells.. we all have self talk and our society has helped us with it as well as people we may have grown up with. In the end we are all responsible for the respect we want.. men and woman. We live a world of me..me.. me.. selfish talk. Its a fine line we need to love ourselves.. yes!! We also need to love those around us!! Even the woman in the outfit that shows her cleavage at sex addiction class where you are there to support your spouse because of his pornography issue.. who you just want to scream at but than again you want to scream at your husband who has bought into all the stupid lies. God made our bodies so they are beautiful.. man and female.. Our society has made them into something they shouldn’t be and we have all bought into it. Our body is not the only thing we have.. we have a spirit..and that the part we as woman who we really want me to like.. the soul of us. Our spirit and body. We cannot put all the responsibility on men nor on women but I feel as if you say it is ok.. to walk around in a thong and a man shouldn’t look and if he does shame on him. I say shame on him.. but shame on her too. Our spirits know right from wrong everyone of us.. and we should all be looking in the mirror. Woman and man.

  11. John
    John12-11-2015

    I enjoy the website…but I don’t agree with the idea these days that “I’ll do, wear, and be what I want to be and I don’t have to care about your feelings.”. In my experience, we all influence each other for better or for worse. It’s hard to be tempted when the temptation isn’t there. For example. You can be on a diet and craving some cookies. But you CAN resist. How much harder is it when I place those cookies right in front of you on the table? Or on television? Or at the gym? And I SURROUND you with these cookies on your diet? Guys constantly have the craving for sex. But we CAN resist. But how much harder is it when woman wear skintight pants EVERYWHERE? I don’t believe that women began to wear dresses in the olden days (when dresses became just a woman thing) because they were “repressed”. I believe that they did it out of love for the men of the community. They understood that men WANT to be good, but we need your support! They understood that we NEED your help to succeed, just as you need another’s help to succeed with dieting or whatever else. We need to sacrifice for one another! We need to not think “Awww, I want to wear leggings because I want to feel comfortable!” That’s selfish. Personally, I feel comfortable farting in public! But that’s selfish, and inconsiderate of the people around me. Help me, help you.

    Do you think that the world has been influenced for better of for worse by women showing off their shapely behinds? The morals of our community have degraded because women have the bought the idea from the media that men will only love you for your body. What I like about this website is that it helps the women in my life remember that if a guy only likes you for your “leggings”, he’s not worth your time. Wear good clothing, attract a good man. Wear slutty clothing (yes I said slutty. I call it as I see it.) and you’ll attract that type of man. You reap what you sow. So cover up. Love and respect your legs enough to do that.

  12. Marie
    Marie04-15-2016

    The problem with this article is that even though, yes we women aren’t responsible for mens’ dirty thoughts, we shouldn’t constantly be tempting them and making it hard for them not to objectify us. I agree that we shouldn’t be self-consious about things out of our control, but we also shouldn’t be flaunting our parts and just telling men not to think the way they were wired to think, because WE feel confident and comfortable in the outfit.

    • Don Miller
      Don Miller12-08-2016

      When I look at a beautiful woman and think it would be wonderful to be with her
      I don’t consider it a dirty but a natural thought.

  13. Anca Chitoi
    Anca Chitoi10-30-2016

    The problem is how modest is modest enough. If your wearing a t shirt and shorts you make yourself a sex object. Anything you wear is sexually appealing. Maybe people should mind their own business. It is not for you to judge a person on what she should wear. Sexual assault can happen to a wowan who wear a mini skirt and t shirt or a dress which is to the knee. Clothing doesnt matter. Modesty is subjective. Stop judging people on what they wear. Try to see women as people not sexual objects to be used.